On Saturday I woke up and felt good, so I decided it would be a perfect morning to get out there and go for a run. I started off a bit sluggish, I hadn't run in a week so my legs took most of the first km just to warm up. Once I hit my stride though it was good, I did a nice loop around town and managed to do 7.2kms in total. I was a bit disappointed when I got home though, my time was 1hr and 4mins. It seemed so SLOW. I mentioned this on a running group online I chat with and they really put it into perspective for me. Especially the lady who said, imagine what it would be like for an elite athlete to carry an extra 30-40kgs around and still perform at a high level. At the end of the day I am still 101kgs, I am not the fastest I can be because I am not the perfect weight for my body. As one lady also pointed out to me, most people cant actually run 7k for the fact that I did it, well thats pretty special.
I think we can get caught up in wanting to be the best or be better than we are and sometimes when you are so focused on that you forget to appreciate how far you have come. At the begining of the year I could barely run 200m's. Now I am training for my first HALF MARATHON. I mean really, how can you compare that. Sometimes you need to take a step back and just appreciate what your body can actually do.
I have this fear of comming last. Its irrational, but I hate the thought of being pitied or laughed at because I was too slow or not good enough. But once I stop and think about it, I am in a group of people that have found a passion for something. And I am running for something that is bigger than me, bigger than my fears. I am running to raise funds and awareness for a wonderful organisation, I am running for those who cant. I am running for my friends, my supporters, my family, my beautiful husband. I am running because I can, because I personally live with mental illness, but most importantly I am running because I CAN.