Saturday, September 17, 2011

We can be our own worst enemies.

I jumped on the scales for my weigh in today. I lost 700gms this week. Awesome. I finally felt that my plateau had been broken as I have lost 1.1kgs in the last two weeks. Yay, right? Well, after I weighed in I had breakky and then decided to head out for a run. I wanted to do the hill. I started out and my stride didnt feel right, I felt tired right from the begining and I just knew I wasnt in the right head space. I made it halfway up the hill, but didnt jog all of it. Then I couldnt work out how to alter my stride to go downhill, so I walked some again. I jogged home, but my pace was sluggish and I felt like my form was poor. In truth, it was a dead set horrible run. I came home and tried not to be too disappointed, but I felt like my whole day was off. I went grocery shopping and brought home a king size snickers, and well ate it. I had oven baked chips for lunch, I ate four biscuits for afternoon tea and I had a whole pizza to myself for dinner. I am up and its 12.30am, mainly because I feel so sick in the stomach and bloated. I didnt enjoy my food. It was heavy and starchy and I feel terribly thirsty, but I did it anyway.

I am not new to comfort eating, it is something I have struggled with for many years. It plays a large role in why I am the size I am, or was. But there comes a time when you have to accept that you're in control of what you eat. Sure, I had a bad day. Sure, I had a lousy run which made me have a freak out about my half and how on earth I was going to do it when I seriously clocked a 10min km this morning. So whats the solution? Well for starters I have to stop napping during the day, its ruining my evening sleep on the weekend, making me sluggish. I have to think before I eat. I rang up the take away tonight with the intention of getting some chips and my vegie burger, but when they didnt have scallops I decided that I needed a pizza instead. So, I need to think about the reality that I may not be mentally ready to deal with take away food. I need to stop thinking that having a walking period in a run is failure, especially when I am trying something new. The fact is, I still ran 5.3kms out the 6 odd kms I went, so I didnt fail. I merely tried, didnt do as well as I wanted, so I have to try again. I need to stop trying to talk myself out of the half, every time I have a doubt I can feel my hand on the abort button. On the 27th Nov, at 7am, I WILL be on the starting line.

What can I do right now, I can go to bed, get up tomorrow and start again.

Take Care,
Megs x

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